"women shouldnt have leg hair" haha nice try you fucking piece of shit youre just afraid minell be longer than yours this is a contest and im in it to win it
People hate that I flip two cigarettes
Upside down in each pack
for luck,
But I hate that people notice
When you gain three pounds,
But not when you buy a new hat.
I’ve been told that the way I sleep
With one leg draped over
The person lying next to me
Is annoying,
But I think it’s annoying
When people tell me
I look pretty,
But only when I paint my face.
I’ve heard that old men
Like to touch the girls who work late at bars,
But I want to know
Why they never kiss the women they married
forty-two years ago.
I’ve noticed that mothers teach their daughters
That it’s rude to refuse a hug
From an uncle they’ve met three times,
But forget to teach them
That they aren’t obliged to kiss
The boy who paid for dinner.
I wish more foods were named in the same vein as “I Can’t Believe Its Not Butter!”
You’ve Got To Be Pulling My Leg, THIS Is Ranch?!
Shut The Fuck Up, Are You Telling Me This Shit Is Ketchup??
I Firmly Believe This Is Not Mustard And I Am Horribly Wrong
I Refused To Believe That This Condiment Was Barbecue Sauce, And I Have Been Summarily Flayed For My Apostasy
I Assigned Negligible Probability To This Being Chili Sauce And Have Since Updated
In Which Your Humble Narrator Assumed That The Substance Within This Container Was Not Worchestershire Sauce Only To Be Rudely Awakened From This Delusion By Mysterious Circumstances
So I Figured This Was Jam But Boy Howdy Was I Jumping To Some Erroneous Goddamn Conclusions
By Fall Out Boy
today I noticed a hole in my leggings so I drew on my leg with a sharpie until you couldn’t see it in case you wanted to know what being a poor college student was like
